The funeral is at the same church

I wore a black dress to work yesterday. It was cute.

Patron: You look like you're going to a funeral.
Me: Oh, well, I'm not.
Patron: Oh, well, maybe you just worship Satan or something.

Patron: Who writes autobiographies?

Amazing Names #4

Okay, everyone, pretend it's Thursday.

Nairobi Zaire

This is hilarious to me, because Nairobi is in Kenya, and Zaire does not exist anymore, nor was Nairobi anywhere near it when it was around. Some parents like to name their kids after geographic locations (Savannah, Trenton, Paris, etc.) so maybe this person had a parent from each location, and Zaire existed then. Who knows. It struck me as funny because it reminded me of people who name their kids after famous people who then become infamous.

Paranoia will only get you so far

Today's experience is brought to you by a friend at a neighboring branch of mine.

Librarian: Okay, Lucy, here are the books you ordered.
Patron's Grandmother: Lucy? Her name is LaQueena.
Librarian: Oh, sorry. I must have heard wrong.
Patron's Grandmother: It's all those drugs you and your sister do. I saw you in my neighbor's backyard.
Librarian: I don't have a sister and I don't know where you live.

This woman found out the hard way that it is dangerous to accuse someone of being a drug user, because when the cop on duty at the branch* overheard her, he forced her to tell the police what she knew about possible drug use in the neighborhood, and then she had to admit she was lying.

*totally jealous of this

Amazing Names #3

I'm thinking of making "Amazing Names" into a regular post. I've heard enough of them to last several months at this point, and there seems to be no end in sight. Onto "Amazing Names Thursday," shall we?

Toxie.

I have no back story for this one. It stands alone. Like cheese. I just scanned her card and there it was, shining at me like the horrible first name that it is.

How many varieties are there, exactly?

Every Saturday, a bunch of lady-friends come to the library to knit together. They don't have any affiliation with any library program, they just come together and use the library as a meeting space. They range in age from 20 - 50. The group consists of lots of friends of friends, and over the years has become quite a mix of people, who probably don't see each other outside of this knitting group. This past Saturday, I was putting away some book near where they were sitting and overheard:
Knitter 1: Here comes a homeschooling mom.
Knitter 2: So?
Knitter 1: A homeschooling mom of the denim jumper variety.

Edit: I've been informed that the nomenclature of the denim jumper variety homeschooling mom should be credited to www.thepioneerwoman.com , who is, herself a homeschooling mom, but of a different species.

Amazing Names #2

I've met a few kids named Xavier. It's not an unusual name by any means and growing up Catholic, St. Francis Xavier's name was out and about. While there were no Xavier's in my kindergarten class, I've never blinked when a little kid at the library told me his name was Xavier. In one case, it was even a little girl, whose name was Francis Xavier of all things, and liked to be called Franny. Sometimes people ask about the aformentioned Saint and pronounce the "X" and the begining of Xavier instead of turning into a "Z" sound, but I know what they are talking about.

Another thing I see at my job is "unique" and "creative" spellings of names, if you will. Extra Es on the end, an apostrophe where it normally wouldn't be, because the more syllables, the better - you get the drift. Well, remember, back in kindergarten, where there may or may not have been any Xaviers, and your teacher told you to sound out a tough word you didn't recogize, because breaking it down would make it easier to pronounce? Or when you didn't know how to spell one, you could try writing it, based on the way it sounded? This advice shouldn't follow into naming your kids, because when you come up to me with seasons 1-4 of CSI: Miami and want me to look up your son's card to check them out on his account, because yours has been sent to the collection agency, and you tell me his name is spelled X'Zayveyar, I will look at you like...like...the way you're all probably looking at your moniters right now.

Kid, I bet you have the best Christmas ever at your place

Kid comes up to me with a bunch of books, CDs, DVDs and magazines and says, "Can I put these on lay-away?"

you're just getting old, my friend

Patron: You know what's a real big shame?
Librarian: What's that? :: thinking he is going to say something about how you had to be quiet in libraries in ye olden times, or that a bunch of libraries are closing all over the country, etc::
Patron: The fact that you stick all that shit up your nose.


OH.

My.

God.



Librarian: Excuse me?!?!?!?!
Patron: Ten years ago, the library wouldn't have hired someone with a nose ring is all I'm saying. They must be desperate.

This patron walked out the door before I could thaw from the shock that at first he accused me of snorting stuff, so I thought, but then realizing what he meant was that I was different sort of dreg of society. Otherwise, I mighta punched him. I see a lot of offensive things everyday, but this was personal.