Thursday, October 29, 2009

I guess that is what it would look like to a retarded person

Patron: I'm lookin' for that movie about the retarded guy who was really smart.

He was looking for Rain Man.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

What is it about me?

Patron: Can I take you out for an Iced Tea?

What is about Iced Tea and myself? I'll be the first to say that iced tea is a mighty fine beverage. I'll also be the first to say that I am engaged to Mr. Icantpaymyfines and that is the not the first but the SECOND time that a COMPLETELY random person has asked me out for ICED TEA. I drink 2 cups of coffee every morning. I drink 3 beers, one bottle of wine, or 2 ounces of whiskey every evening and maybe 5 cups of tea per year. It is rarely ever sweet, iced tea because there isn't a Mr. Bojangles within walking distance of the library. Shame, I know, but I am really curious to know what provokes middle-aged men to walk in and say, "I'd like to take her out for an iced tea. She looks like she could use one."

Friday, October 23, 2009

A little respect, now, people...

Patron: Who is that on your shirt, there? Barack Obama?
Other Patron: Yeah! And Martin Luther King!
Patron: Oh. I see. And what does it say there?
Other Patron: It says, "A legacy of progress."
Patron: Huh. And you paid money for that?

This patron was the same one that had previously been asking for books about the Trail of Tears to see if she recognized herself in any of them. I told this to the other patron with the Obama shirt after I pulled her away so she would not feel bad about what was said to her about her shirt.

Criticizing clothing does not belong at the library, folks. It belongs on the internet.

Monday, October 19, 2009

You should be quiet in the library

Everyone should use their "indoor" voices in the library. Even the librarians. It's hard, though, not to laugh so hard you almost pee in your pants, when you pick up the Wall Street Journal on the table to put it back where it belongs with the other newspapers, and read, right on page one, "Colleagues Finger Billionaire," as the headline.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

This is the kind of person who is ruining the system for everyone else

Patron: Can you help me use the computer to file for federal aid? You have to file online now. You can't mail your application in anymore.
Librarian: Absolutely. ::proceeds to show patron how to fill out online applications to receive food stamps and energy bill assistance::
Patron: Wow! That was great! And so fast! Thank you so much for helping me.
::Librarian swells with pride over having a job that helps those in need::
Patron: Can you show me how to book airline tickets and hotels on here, too?
Librarian: OMG, what?
Patron: Yeah, I'm taking my boyfriend to the Bahamas. He's never been.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Just when I think I might be in danger of running out of material for this blog, this goes and happens:

Patron: Can you help me find books about the Trail of Tears? I needs ones with pictures in them.
Librarian: Sure, do you need them for a project?
Patron: No, I want to see if I recognize myself in any of them.

Monday, October 12, 2009

I think you push this button that says, "copy."

Patron Couple: Can you please show us how to use the copier?
Librarian: Sure. Let me just finish checking these people out.

5 minutes later, the librarian looks up and the couple is gone. They must have gotten tired of waiting.

5 minutes later, and they roll back in the door with a copy machine. They didn't want to use our copier, they wanted us to show them how to use theirs, so they brought it into the library, because, hey, why not?

Friday, October 9, 2009

Say that again

Patron on the phone: I bees wantin' to know if y'alls gots this book there at you place because I bees needin' it and wantin' to come in and see if y'alls had it there so I could bees checkin' it out and takin's it home.
Librarian on the phone: Um...what?

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Amazing Names #6

Welcome to Amazing Names Thursday everyone! Here is today's entry:


What's so amazing about that, you ask? It's a pretty common last name, and was the first name of the whiny daughter on The Sopranos. In this instance at the library, it was a last name. A patron forgot their library card and so I offered to look it up. Asking them to spell their last name out, M-E-A-D-O-W-S, I repeated,
Librarian: "Meadows."
Patron: No, it's pronounced "Mee-ah-dos."

What the hell. Seriously? Who are you kidding and did your Grandfather really say it that way? Has anyone, EVER gotten it correct?

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

What's your first born child's name?

Patron: What was the middle name of Hubert Humphrey?
Librarian: ::Looks it up on ::
Patron: Wow! Thanks so much! Hey, to thank you, I want to whittle you a key chain. What's your name?
Librarian: Um, you don't have to do that.
Patron: No, I really want to.
Librarian: Um. Well, it's Joe.
Patron: Okay, what is the first letter of your middle name.
Librarian: Um...L
Patron: Okay, what's is the first letter of your last name?
Librarian: Um...A
Patron: Okay, what kind of car do you drive?
Librarian: Okay, this is getting really weird, and you know what? I ride the bus and we're closed. Good night.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Nice try

Patron: Are you the Pope?
Priest: No, the Pope lives in Rome.
Patron: Oh. Well, do you know when the end of the world is, anyway?

Friday, October 2, 2009

Fun Fact Learned at The Library

Time for a new segment, folks. It's called "Fun Facts Learned at the Library." It will consist of things I've learned looking for reference questions for patrons. Here is today's.

5% of Americans purchase Velveeta at least once a week, and that accounts for 75% of Velveeta purchased in America.

Notice that I didn't say Velveeta "cheese," because it is so over-processed that it does not meet the FDA requirements to be labeled as such. Also a fun fact.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Amazing Names #5

This post comes not from the library, but courtesy of my 14 year old niece, who is a tutor to little kids.


How in the hell do you pronounce that? Is it in a Sub-continental Asian Indian language like Hindi or Tamil, whose accent marks do not translate well on an English keyboard, but they've invented some sort of new system that they all understand to recognize while adjusting to our inadequate keys? Is it the combination of two, very short last names?

No. It's pronounced "La-dash-a."