Last Saturday, a woman came into the library with the longest fingernails I have ever seen. I know there are people out there in the Guinness Book of World Records with nails over a foot long, and I've seen pictures of them, but this woman had nails that were about 9 inches long. It was really alarming. I saw her walking on the sidewalk from inside, and just as I was trying to alert my co-workers to look at her, she was gingerly sliding the nails through the door handle to get it open. She sat down at a computer, and then realized she needed an employee to sign her on. She waved the nails in the air and said to one of my co-workers, "come here, young man." He logged her onto the internet, and then we couldn't help but watch her type. She had to hold her hands almost up to her face as she typed with her nails. One person who walked by her gasped out loud.
So I tried to do a google image search for long fingernails to give you guys a visual for what we experienced. Instead, I'll let you guys see what comes up on most of the pages when you google image seach for "long fingernails."
Does anyone remember that Weekend Update episode where Tracy Morgan made an appearance to give a public service announcement about people giving kids ridiculous names, like naming them after events? He ended the segment by saying "Good night Promisha, Daddy loves you!"
Well, I don't know what happened here, but it was something cosmic. Starlisha
Something happened to me yesterday that I bet has never happened in that library before, and I bet will never happen again.
The F.B.I. came.
Well, one representative of the F.B.I.
I was at the circulation desk minding my own business, when a man walked in, pulled a leather card-holder-badge-thingie out from inside his long coat, flipped it open with one hand and I saw the all too familiar (from watching the X-files) three letters that mean serious business. He said he needed to interview a witness in a neutral meeting place, and could he please use the library.
Librarian: Um. Um. Um. Sure! ::sounding a little too excited::
They sat down in the children's department, since it was the middle of the day and they (the children) were all at school (except the ones skipping school, and they were all in the computer room gettin' their Chris Hansen bait on in Urbanchat.com). It was HILARIOUS to see the officer in a business suit and his witness in a mechanic's jumpsuit sitting at a tiny little table with their knees up to their chin. I made it official that a project absolutely had to be done in the children's department or else I would get fired. Unfortunatly, I didn't overhear anything. It probably had to do with a case of stolen Christmas cookies or something.
Patron: Hey, you know that guy that works here? I think his name is Joe? Well, I just saw him on the news! They were interviewing him about something! Library Employee: That's impossible. He's here right now.
Hey, guess what you guys? There is a dwarf man married to a toothless, mentally retarded woman. At first I thought maybe they were siblings, or maybe he was her care-taker, but he calls her sweetheart and helps her pick out movies while they hold hands. Weird. Seriously. Freak show material for sure.
Librarian: You're here awfully early today Mr. Smith. Mr. Smith (a patron who comes in every day after work to read the newspaper): Yeah, I got off about an hour ago. They let us out early today. Librarian: Lucky, I don't get off for another 20 minutes. Homeless Patron: I just got off 5 seconds ago in y'alls bathroom.
I don't watch TV because I get all the entertainment I need at work. You'll never know my name, where this library where I work is located, or anything else connecting this blog to the real world in order to protect a patron's right to privacy. Some things are just too funny to not share, so I use this blog as an outlet. If you somehow figure out who or where I am, please keep it to yourself.