What else did you have to jot down?

Patron: I'd like to sign my son up for a library card.
Librarian: Sure. Let me check to make sure he doesn't already have one. When is his birthday?
:: Patron glances at tattoo on forearm and says::
Patron: July 31st, 2005

Amazing Names Thursday #8

It was one of those days. You know, one of those days where I ate sweet potatoes until they came out my pores and I looked all jaundiced? I have those all the time, don't you? Sorry this post is late.

Remember our friend, X'zayveyar, or however the heck you spelled it, from a while back? Well, some innovative mother took it to a whole new level. Instead of a taking a normal name and spelling it a new way, she decided an adjective would be a good word for a name, and would put a cute spin on spelling it. We see adjective names a lot - Precious, Bonita, etc. I'm a little curious as to why a mom would give your child such an adverse description as Phyctee.

I might start doing this to people on purpose

Librarian on phone: I'm sorry sir, but since you've already renewed that item 2x, you can't renew it again.
Patron on phone: I'ma 'bout to come out there and throw a canna water on you!
Librarian: Excuse me?
Patron: Oh, I was just yellin' at a stray cat on my porch. I'll come by and drop my book off later.

Man walks into a bar

No, I mean, a man walks into the library...

5 minutes before it closes. Yells, "Last call for alcohol!" Looks at the reference desk, and says, "Hi, how's it going?" And then walks promptly back out the door.

Amazing names Thursday #7

Did you miss me?!?!?!

What I had feared would happen did indeed happen. I ran out of names. Actually, I didn't run out of names, but the names that I had included first and last names, and thus would reveal the identity of patrons. There were some good ones in there, too. One was a palandrome and one was ironic. Alas...

I met a little boy named Macgyver. That was his first name. I couldn't ask if his real name was Angus because he didn't speak English.

Making the world 100x cuter!

Kaylah at the Dainty Squid is having a give away!

There are a lot of things you can find out in the library, but whether or not you are pregnant should really be determined by a doctor

Mom: Girl, why you bein' all tired and lazy. You pregnant?
Daughter: No
Mom: Lemme look at you. ::proceeds to grab daughter's chin and examine her face::
Yeah, I think you pregnant.

I'll take the Sauza

One Homeless Patron to the Other: You wanna split a bottle of Patron?

Okay, in typing this out, I realize the hilarity in a tequila called "Patron."

But no, really. If homeless people are drinking Patron, I am totally missing something.

Librarian to fellow Librarian, upon writing an anual report: When you have an outlier that is so far outside of the rest of the results, does it "skew" the results, or "skewer" them?
Fellow Librarian: Metaphorically, it does in fact, "skewer" them.

yeah, I said deep fried tofu slices.

I read a lot of other blogs. I recently commented in one about curried honey mustard wings and a couple people requested the recipe. Make it and send it to the library.

Adapted from Cook's Country
Curried Honey Mustard Wings
1/4 cup honey
1/4 yellow mustard
1/4 pineapple preserves*
1 T grated fresh ginger**
2 cloves of garlic, minced
1 t curry powder
1/2 t cayenne pepper
salt
3 lbs of chicken wings, or battered, deep fried slices of extra firm tofu
2 T toasted sesame seeds***

1. Adjust the oven rack and heat to 475 degrees. Process honey, mustard, preserves, ginger, garlic, curry powder, cayenne and 1/2 t salt in food processor until smooth. Transfer to a large bowl.
2. Arrange chicken wings on a rimmed baking sheet. Sprinkle with salt. Roast for 35-45 minutes, rotating pan and flipping wings half-way throught. If using tofu, skip this step and fry your tofu slices.
3. Remove from oven and coat with honey mixture. Return to pan and oven and cook 5 more minutes. Sprinkle with sesame seeds. Devour.

* The original recipe called for mango chutney, which the ghetto-mart that I most frequent does not carry. Smuckers makes pineapple preserves, though, so that is what I used, but I bet it would also be good with apricot, which I am sure is more common.

** Awesome tip that I learned AT THE LIBRARY. Buy a fresh ginger root. Peel the skin off with a vegetable peeler. Don't worry if this leaves you with a 1 inch chunk of ginger root. You only paid .23 cents for it anyway. Freeze the chunk. Grate it, frozen, on a microplane zester. It won't come out all stringy. This is the best way to grate ginger. Don't use the powdered shit.

*** Although I am sure they are delicious in this recipe, I didn't use them because I am cheap and did not want to buy them. I didn't miss them, either

Librarian don't have predictive text in their brains like your cell phone and google.

Patron: I'm looking for a book called The Swamp Goose
Librarian: I'm sorry, but it doesn't look like we have anything by that title. Nothing is coming up here in the catalog.
Patron: Huh. I could have sworn I saw something like that here a while ago.

Five minutes later:
Patron: Here it is! Told ya! ::Hands Librarian a booked titled Lu and the Swamp Ghost::
Librarian: Oh, I'm sorry. I looked up The Swamp Goose because I thought that was what you said.
Patron: Yeah, I did, but I thought you would have figured it out.

What on earth are you doing here then?

Patron: ::mumbles and grumbles as they try to retrieve their library card from a tight wallett in order to check out some items::
Librarian: I'm sorry, I didn't catch that...
Patron: I said, I fucking hate getting my god-damned library card out!
Librarian: Oh, well, um, I can look your card account up for you?
Patron: No, I'll get my card out, that's why I carry this god-damned thing around!