Hence the term "secret"

Patron: Can you verify some information for me by looking in the old census reports?
Me: Sure!
Patron: O.K. can you look up Joe Schmo, who was born in 1883 in this certain county in Pennsylvania, and his wife was Susie Schmo and they had two kids name Rod and Todd?
Me: Yep! That's exactly was the census says here!
Patron: O.K. great. Now, does it say anything about all of the children he had with his secret, Italian wife?   

Don't try this at work...

a sexy librarian photo shoot gone horribly awry.

I'm sorry, my bad.

Patron: I want to do some genealogy research on my Grandma.
Librarian: O.K., what was her name?
Patron: Grandma
Librarian: Ha ha. Of course. What was her first and last name?
Patron: What? How am I supposed to know? No one know their Grandma's name.   
 

Beware the sweaty man

Sweaty man is a legend. I've been working for the library for some time now, and I've been hearing about sweaty man my whole career. I figured he was just an urban legend. Someone Grandpa used to teach me a moral. He was sweaty...and an a complete and utter a-hole. My friend says she saw sweaty man once, and then saw him at a liquor store about 5 miles away. He's probably all sweaty because he walks such a far distance. He's lewd, crude and rude. He demands the kind of customer service that you just don't get from people who get paychecks from the state. He chats on fetish websites.

Well,

I SAW SWEATY MAN WITH MY OWN TWO EYES YESTERDAY!!!!!!!!

He was sweaty. He dripped sweat on our nice tile floors. He was dick. It was everything he could have been.


I can't wait to tell my grandkids.