Bacon Makes Everything Better

Patron: I'm looking for a recipe for chocolate covered bacon.
Librarian: I'll look one up on the internet. ::however is tempted to just tell this patron to dip bacon in chocolate::
Patron: I tasted it at the state fair and want to try it myself.
Librarian: Ok, I can print this recipe for you, but it basically just says to dip bacon in melted chocolate.
Patron: Well, does it say how to cook bacon and melt the chocolate?
Librarian: Well, if you want those instructions, it is going to cost 2 lbs of chocolate covered bacon.

I cannot think of what to title this post

This here story, like a couple others at icantpaymyfines, is compliments of a guest librarian. These crazy experiences don't just happen to me, they also happen to my co-workers.

A woman comes in and tells the librarian that her son's class has to do a project on one the 50 states and he has chosen Ohio. She needs to photocopy or print a picture of Ohio's flag. The librarian finds a picture in a book and shows the woman. "No, that can't be right. I know what the Ohio flag looks like, and that's not it."

"Huh, weird," thinks this librarian. If the state flag had changed in the past couple of years, don't you think that would have been in the news or something? Well, maybe it had and she just missed it. This book was a few years old anyway. She finds a newer book, but this one has the same Ohio flag in it. Maybe the woman is confused and her son actually wanted a different state. Oklahoma? Oregon? She finds a whole list of state flags and thinks that if the woman knew what the flag was supposed to look like, she would find it in this line up. She points to the giant American Flag in the middle of the page and says, "That's it. That's the Ohio flag. I need a picture of that."

Amazing Names 1

We have a new installment here at icantpaymyfines and it's called "Amazing Names." As you can imagine, I come across lots of people through out the day. Most of them have boring names. John Smith, Amy Johnson, etc. Most of them are names that you would not think twice about. Sometimes, however, there are names that I see of patrons who make me question their childhoods, because they were obviously named by parents who were under the influence of unnaturalness when they told that nurse what to write down. Maybe, as in Oprah's case, it was the nurse who heard wrong, and the parents just decided to go with it. Either way, no one should ever name their baby Destiny's Child Smith*.

I found a library card on the floor of the children's department. There was no name written on the back, so I took it to the computer, scanned it, and hollered out for "Destiny's Smith." A little blond girl** came running to the desk and said, "that's me!" I told her that she had left her card lying around, and she should take better care of it because someone could steal it and check out 20 movies on it, and before you know it, where will be a repo man at your door demanding the very TV on which you could have been watching your own movies. "While I've got you here, though, Destiny, I need to change your name in the computer, because it looks like we have a typo. It says 'Destiny's' possessive, with an apostrophe and an 'S.'

"Yes, that's my first name. Destiny's with an apostrophe and an 'S.' My middle name is Child, like the band." I resisted telling her that this early 21st century noise was actually a group of performing artists, and not a band, but I was still in shock over the fact that I just met someone named, "Destiny's Child."

For her sake, though, she seemed to like her name, and was a very happy little girl.

*Not her real last name.
** Yes, she was white.

The supernatural at the library

Patron: Can you help me look up my obituary?
Librarian: Sure thing. Wait...what? Your obituary? Like, as in, you died and you want to find your own obituary in the paper?
Patron: Yes.
Librarian: Uh, ok. We have some databases here we can search through nationwide to check for names or dates.
::procedes to look up patron's name in several places, as well as date of death. Comes up with nothing. Relief::
Librarian: Looks like no one wrote one for you. You only get a death notice if someone notices your death.
Patron: Huh. Weird.
Librarian: Yeah. Totally weird.