Did you see the guy that peed in the corner? THAT'S why I don't trust anyone

When patrons return CDs and DVDs, we open the cases to make sure the discs are there. Duh. Otherwise, every other case on the shelf would be empty. Yesterday, a woman returned the maximum amount of DVDs that you are allowed to check out, in, so I opened each one before I scanned it to make sure they were in there.

Patron: It's an insult to my intelligence that you're checking those. You should have a little more faith in us. 

Sure enough, one was empty.

Just act surprised...

Patron on the phone: We just got a notice that my husband's books are overdue, but he's out of town. Can I renew them for him?
Me: Sure , no problem. Okay, looks like there's just one thing overdue, How to Change Someone You Love
 ::reality of book title sets in::
So, um, I'll renew that for you! Thanks! Bye!
 

An ice cold slap in the face, Mamma

Man who thought I was an Eskimo: Have you seen Amy, the security guard?
Me: No.
Man: I have a gift for her?
Me: Really? What is it?
Man: It is a surprise. You'll ruin it.
Me: You can leave it here and I'll give it to her. 
Man: It has to be kept in the refrigerator.
Me: Um, ok, then where is it now?
Man: My pants.       

I said I'd look up the directions to Taco Bell for you. I didn't say I'd be your BFF

I now have my very own version of this guy.

Patron: Did you do something different?
Me: No
Patron: Did you get new glasses?
Me: Last year.
Patron: You dyed your hair.
Me: I'm growing my hair color out for my wedding.
Patron: You cut your hair.
Me: Again, growing it out for the wedding
Patron: You got new shampoo?
Me: No.
Patron: It's just naturally beautiful?
Me: Sure
Patron: Will you tell me all your secrets?           

Amazing Names #14

Oh hey, Bzone! How's it goin'?

Some people just aren't the same after you learn something about them

Does it please anyone else as much as it pleases me to know that one of the "higher ups" here at the library eats spaghettios everyday for lunch?

It pleases me A LOT.

It did not help that when I first looked at the can they were dumping into a tupperware, I thought it said, "Spaghetto," and I actually told them that.

Me: Ha ha! I thought that said, "Spaghetto!" What do you think would be in a can of "Spaghetto," anyway? Hypodermic needles in meth sauce?
Higher Up: ::blank, disapproving stare::

I work too much. 

Hint: This is not the way to pick up women

Patron: Puke on the Steelers. Are you single?

Ok, kids

Round two. Try out the blog button.

Amazing Names #13

The blog button was epic fail. Don't copy and paste that one. I will work on it tomorrow when I have the day off. Thanks, Biscuit, for letting me know.

Maybe I can get ShaShaNora. To help me out with it.

Blog button!

w00t! I made a blog button!!! It is so very exciting. Please share it with all of your friends.

And so that this post has something to sort of due with the library, I will share a book recommendation. Free for All by Don Borchert. If you thought the things you read in this blog were unbelievable, wait until you read this guy's book. He'll back me up. Wait until you read about what he found in the book drop one morning before opening.

It's a one bedroom igloo

Patron with a snow shovel: Mam, I would just like to shake your hand. Where I come from, it's the least I can do for any lady. It is a very great honor to meet an eskimo. Do you live in an ice castle?

 

No animals except for service dogs allowed in the library

Patron: Mam, could you hold these books for me? I hurt my shoulder.
Librarian: I'm so sorry to hear that, Sir. How did you hurt yourself?
Patron: Playing tug-o-war. I'd like to play tug-o-war with you. I'll have to get my snake outta the way though.

So, I apologize on the behalf of all library staff everywhere. If we don't ask you how you're doing, it's because we usually get responses like this.